Tolstoy Stole My Title

It's Christmas Eve, we made it! I would like to be sleeping in, but I have a sinus infection and am having trouble seeping. Oh well, I'll live. I've had a lot on my mind so I figured I should put this restlessness to use. Normally a post like this one is something that I would save for my personal blog, but I know more people read this one, and I feel it important that this message reach as many people as possible. You see, I have had a couple of events happen in the past few days that have made me realize that we are all in big trouble and there may or may not be a way out.
I have to tip toe around this first one to avoid violating any policies I may have signed. In the course of my usual routine this week, I came in contact with two people whom I regularly deal with in a non-friend sort of relationship. In the past I have had bad experiences with both of them and I generally make an effort to avoid interaction with them as much as possible. I guess I would describe their personalities as: a wild self interest, perpetuated by egotism, and motivated by material gain. Both of these individuals happened to be in the same place this week though, they had family members that were seriously ill and in the hospital. I myself had a sister-in law in the hospital whom was very sick. I found myself wanting so badly to connect with these people on a human level, but I just couldn't when I thought about our past. It is still eating at me now that I let these people hurt when I could have offered them something, at least shared my own struggles. I really have to ask myself am I any better than they are if I see someone hurting and do nothing to try and help? It's not that I didn't want to I was just too afraid, of what, I am not quite sure.
This isn't the first time that I have encountered something like this. I am sure that you have been in this situation as well. You see someone hurting, and you want to reach out to them but its like there is a force field inside or something. It kills me when I know the right thing to do and I ignore it out of fear. Fear is such a weak emotion and I despise it in myself. I will freely admit that fear has been the cause of almost all of the shortcomings in my life. It has held me back from doing so many things that I have wanted to do it's kept me from being the type of friend, husband, boyfriend, student, employee...lets just say Person that I really wanted to be. We see the possibilities; but we are afraid of the judgment, or vulnerability, or failure that might come with it. So we freeze hoping that we can gather the courage or find the right moment to act, but alas, the moment slips away and then we must deal with the guilt and regret. We fail to become our potential...to ease someones pain...in the words of Thoreau we "lead quiet lives of desperation."
My other epiphany came during a lunch I had with my brother-in law Paul. We had a very nice, albeit to brief conversation about politics. Normally it is not a conversation that I would have with someone, but Paul is intelligent, thoughtful, and openminded and I feel safe discussing almost anything with him. We were discussing why I don't care a great deal for Phoenix and I relayed that it was a bit too conservative and I feel out of my element. He had asked me why I dislike political conservatism and I we had a brief discussion about it and some of the presidential candidates. It was kind of a weird coincidence because as of late, I have been studying a little about different types of economic and political systems.
In the few days since our conversation something keeps nagging at me though. As the Presidential election approaches there is all of this political fervor and anger in the air. Everyone is looking for the person to go in and fix this mess in Washington and restore this country to greatness! The thing is, it is the same rhetoric I have been hearing since I was a child. Washington has always been a mess the country has always been in shambles. So when exactly was this idealized utopian America that people dream of, and what does the restoration of that look like? How exactly is someone going to single-handedly come in and restore us to greatness?
The truth is, the revolution must come from within us. No one is going to fix this world, no politician, no government for that matter. We must take responsibility for our lives, and our brothers and sisters lives as well. The problem with politicians is that they tend to poses "a wild self interest perpetuated by egotism and motivated by material gain." If we are to get anywhere each and everyone of us needs to ask ourselves "What am I doing here?' If you can't answer that for yourself, then how can you reasonably make a decision about anything else in your life? What is the point of doing anything, without something that motivates our actions? And how do we know how to act without a goal or end in mind? If we truly desire peace and happiness in the world and not just "things" then shouldn't the majority of our actions and decisions reflect that?  We have the power to end wars right now if we decide to put down our guns. We can end hunger if we feed someone who is hungry. We can stop poverty if we stop greed. Its too simple to actually work; that is the problem. We already have everything we need. We have just become conditioned to accept the current state of the world as the only reality that exists, but it is a self imposed reality.
The Bible says that there was a man born 2000 years ago that told of another way. I am very confused as to wether or not I believe this story to be true, or if this man was really God as he is claimed to be and quite honestly wether there is a God at all. I tend to lean towards the notion that it is true. I have seen the power of this story in the world with my own eyes and have read of thousands of other accounts about the power of this story in other peoples lives. He taught of another type of government "The Kingdom of God" where no one goes hungry, we take care of our brothers and sisters, we love one another even strangers and people we disagree with. I will admit that I fall way short of this message but at this moment I feel compelled to make sure that I spread it. I don't know if it is true, I really don't. And I am definitely not a poster child for Christian living but I like what Jesus had to say wether he was God or not. I think he was on to something. So tonight I will go to church and sing Oh Holy Night and light my neighbors candle to honor Jesus and the power of his words, and I will ask you to remember his message as well and remind me of it when you think I need to be reminded. Because if there is a way out of all of this mess it seems like a good plan. God Bless you and Merry Christmas.

A Beary Merry Christmas

The fourth trimester is officially over, Ada turns 3 months old tomorrow! She is such a big bear. She barely fits in her bassinet now so we have to start transitioning her into her crib soon. We have had a lot going on in the last week, so much so, that I have had a a hard time making time for a post.
She has been a much happier girl lately. She seems to get grumpy for a week and then happy for a while. We think she is just going through growth spurts and so her sleeping patterns change and she gets tired, but then again I only play a doctor on tv. It is a good thing that she decided to shape up this week, because yesterday was Jennies first day back to work, and my first day alone as a parent. Everyone one seemed worried about us, which seems a bit sexist to me. Like I told Jennie, I take care of myself and my life is much more complicated, so I can't see why taking care of her should be any more difficult. I think we did just fine, we were both happy and i had her fed and down for naps at her regular intervals. So chalk one up for men.
In other family news we have spent a lot of time celebrating the holidays. We spent most of the weekend with the Bennions doing Christmas activities. Saturday we made gingerbread houses and had pizza, and Sunday we went over and watched "Its a Wonderful Life" and I made snowflakes with the kids it was a lot of fun! Tonight we are having a family Christmas get-together and singing Christmas songs, drinking wassail, and eating goodies. I can't wait for this weekend but i am sad that the holidays are almost over. Well, I just wanted to do a quick update for you that follow this thing. I will write a longer more well thought out one when things slow down a bit. Love you and Merry Christmas!

My Gingerbread Church with Gummy Nativity

All The Houses

Most Reesent photo of Ada

Jennie thought this picture was funny because I had on camp and she
is wearing green and brown she said I should post it. 

Life in the Circus

Jennie and I have an ongoing joke about us being monkeys now and Ada being the cruel monkey trainer of the Reese and Bros. Big Top Circus. We assume that her cries amount to something along the lines of "DANCE MONKEY, DANCE!" After a good two hour bout of screaming it is easy to feel like she is the one in control, especially when nothing we do seems to appease her. Add to the equation a cat that will only drink from a human bowl and requires refrigerated, filtered water every morning no later than six a.m. and at least five treats at two occasions during the day, and it is easy to feel like the inmates are running the asylum to quote a news headline I saw last night. The fact that none of your friends and family tell you about the dark side of parenting has been a constant conversation topic of ours lately. People love to tell you how much fun it is and how cute they are, and they may mention the lack of sleep a little bit, but no one tells you of the hours of screaming and face slapping that you are about to endure. They also don't share the part about eating separate cold meals while you play pass the baby and hide out in the lobby of restaurants.
 Yesterday, Jennie was eating at a restaurant with her sister when she noticed a pregnant lady staring at Ada in adoration from across the room, that is, until she decided it was time to make the monkey dance. At which point, the lady turned her nose up and looked away, as if to say, "that's never going to be my baby" Jennie was so mad and wanted to go pat the girl on the bad and just give a cryptic "Good luck Honey, you have no idea."
 I know it sounds like we are complaining a lot, and we probably sound like horrible parents. We actually love her more than life itself and would gladly eat a million cold partnerless meals for her, I think we are just for the first time in our lives figuring out how self centered and pampered we had been before having her. That is the amazing thing about being a parent, how much you learn about yourself and human nature in general. As much as we feel like monkeys,the truth is, she is screaming because she is scared, vulnerable, and helpless, which is probably the reason most people act out even after infancy. With that in mind it is nearly impossible to not want to act on her commands with love and compassion. Besides she is the cutest monkey trainer I have ever met. As for the Kitty, he is just spoiled...

Getting ready for Christmas

We have been very busy with holiday cheer, so just a quick post to keep you up to date. We had a good Thanksgiving. I took the week off and lots of Jennie's family was in town so that meant that we were hardly ever at home. Everyone was excited to meet and play with Ada and she was a very good girl most of the time. We were very grateful for the extra hands to help us with her. On Thanksgiving morning we went to Jennie's sister Heidi's house to make our food. It was really fun because all of the nieces and nephews helped us out with our stuffing and sweet potatoes which is normally pretty stressful with just jennie and I alone working on it. This week we put up our Christmas tree. Actually Ada was not cooperating so I put up and decorated the tree. As I worked I would stop and show Ada all of our special ornaments and Mommy would explain what they were to her. Having the tree up has really helped get us in the Christmas spirit. We have many things planned in the coming weeks that I will update you on later but for now I will leave you with some of the new pictures we have gotten of Ada.

This Years Ornament

Our Tree